Sarah finally learned to be happy with herself as she is

Sarah struggled with her image, self confidence and weight all her life; despite the support and encouragement of her loving husband. It’s hard to believe that this gorgeous, confident-looking woman has felt self-conscious, judged and anxious about her appearance for so many years. She loved the idea of a boudoir photoshoot to mark her 40th birthday, but her insecurities held her back. Then a tragic moment in 2019 made Sarah realise that tomorrow is never a given! Finally through her boudoir experience she’s learned to love herself and accept who she is.

I have never been a particularly confident person, especially where my appearance is concerned. I was a tomboy growing up and, because of my thick and unruly hair, I was given a short, easy to manage haircut which got me mistaken for being a boy on numerous occasions.

Although I knew I was a girl, I always felt different. I had little interest in typical 'girlie' things or clothes and tended to get along better with boys. I didn't fit the stereotypical female mould and I was incredibly aware of it. I was very self conscious and wished I could look more feminine and pretty, but it didn't come naturally. I was intimidated by other girls and wished I looked more like my younger sister who was my complete opposite. She was slender and dainty with long blonde hair and we were often compared, leaving me feeling judged as inferior and not good enough.

Food became my close friend and I would use it for comfort. I was overweight throughout my childhood and for the majority of my adult life. My relationship with food has been a real struggle. Teenage years can be difficult for most people, and along with being overweight I had horrific skin issues and awful acne on my face. This caused me to become depressed and gave me severe anxiety and panic attacks.

Thankfully, as an adult, I am blessed to be married to an amazing, supportive husband. He loves me for me, regardless of my size, shape or appearance. It was our 10 year wedding anniversary last year and my 40th birthday. In my head I thought this would be the ideal year to finally take the plunge and book a boudoir shoot. It was something I fancied doing, but never felt brave enough.

I had been following Foxlow Photography on Facebook for a while and was in awe of all the women who looked so beautiful and confident in their shoots. Their photos looked classy and sophisticated. Whenever Danielle posted on Facebook, she came across as kind, genuine and friendly. She gives off a real, positive aura - you can tell that she truly cares and loves the job she does. I signed up to their free 10 Day Confidence Challenge via email which was really useful and thought provoking.

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Despite losing quite a lot of weight and attempting to work on my confidence, I still didn't feel quite ready. I thought I needed to tone up or become stronger or leaner. Looking back now, it seems quite silly. My incredible body has created, grown and given me two amazing children, yet I would merely focus on my wobbly bits, stretch marks, excess skin, and things not being as perky or full as they once were.

Tragically, also last year, my sister died from a rare form of cancer. My beautiful, fit and active little sister was gone. She died within a couple of months of diagnosis. It was so cruel and unfair, I had a tough time processing it all. My good eating habits went out the window and I turned to food again to comfort myself. I questioned life, myself and what was the point of trying to improve my health and appearance when life can be taken away so quickly. 2019 was a real rollercoaster of a year for me.

It was actually seeing a 'New Year New You' competition that Danielle was running at the beginning of this year that sparked my interest in doing a photoshoot again. If there was one thing I could take from my sister’s death, it was that tomorrow is never a given. I was now in worse shape physically and emotionally than I was the previous year. But what if I never reached the goals I set for myself with regards to my body? What if I never felt ready? I needed to bite the bullet now, I wasn't going to take life for granted. I wanted to learn to be happy with myself at any and every stage. To see and love myself as my husband sees me.

I booked a shoot. I didn't have a thing to wear. I have never owned a matching underwear set apart from on my wedding day. Thankfully Danielle was always on hand and available to contact for advice and would often post links to sales of lingerie. I was understandably nervous on the day, but need not have been. Everyone was friendly and welcoming. It was great to have all the stress of getting ready taken away and feel pampered having my hair and makeup done. Charlotte my makeup artist did a phenomenal job. I don't wear much makeup usually, so didn't want anything too heavy for the photos. She asked and listened to what I would like and offered advice as well. She was able to achieve the perfect look for me. The only thing I needed to concern myself with was not spilling my G&T!

In the studio, Jon the photographer was excellent at putting me at ease. The thought of a male photographer did feel a bit daunting to begin with, but that passed within a minute of meeting Jon. He has a calm, gentle, in control, soothing manner. He is professional and able to make you feel relaxed. You actually forget you're only wearing your underwear! He gives concise direction on how to pose, where to stand and even where to look. He's clearly very talented and gifted in his area of expertise.

During the photo shoot I will always remember Danielle commenting that I had elegant hands. It still makes me smile now. A word I would never associate with myself, ever! I did wonder at times if Danielle and Jon were just being polite when they said they had captured an amazing shot of me or that I was doing great. It wasn't until Jon showed me a photo he had just taken, that it took my breath away and my heart felt like it skipped a beat. The woman that I saw in his camera was stunning! I got a lump in my throat and had to fight to hold back the tears. I was beautiful! There was me, looking the height of femininity!

When the day came to view my photos, it brought a whole new set of nerves. What if the fantastic shot I had been shown at my photo shoot was a fluke? How embarrassing would it be if I didn't like any of the others and I looked horrific! I didn't want to offend Jon if that was the case. It turned out I had the opposite problem. It was a wonderful experience! I loved so many photos I had trouble choosing ones not to keep for my album! I looked gorgeous in a whole variety of my outfits, in various poses and with different backgrounds. It was quite surreal. The striking woman I was looking at was actually me!?!

I can hand on heart say choosing to have a boudoir photoshoot was one of the bravest, most empowering and uplifting things I have ever done. It has helped me to see myself as my husband sees me. I never realised quite how different the view I have of myself differs to the way others see me. There is no question that Foxlow Photography was the perfect place to go. At no point have I felt simply like a customer dealing with a business. The whole process, from making initial contact with Danielle, right up until now, has felt like I've been conversing with a friend.

If you are considering a shoot, but are still on the fence, don't wait to feel 'ready'. Book it now. In fact, especially if you don't feel ready. I promise you will surprise yourself. Do it for you, enjoy the experience and prepare yourself to be blown away at your beauty as you are now! Trust me or prove me wrong - either way, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain.