Zia’s photoshoot helped her feel powerful and confident

Trauma had really affected Zia’s self-confidence and mental health over the years, and her physical disability had only added to that internal fight. Yet, despite her anxiety, she found the courage to face her fears and absolutely rocked her photoshoot! Now her boudoir photos have become a beautiful tool for her recovery and a reminder of gorgeous, strong woman she is.

I’ve always been at war with my self-confidence; after battling multiple sexual assaults, bullying, disordered eating, and everything else with my mental health it has been a war I’ve been fighting for over a decade now.

Now with developing a physical disability that effects my hip joints and therefore my ability to exercise and look after my health my self-confidence and mental health have plummeted. What inspired me to finally book a boudoir photoshoot was the possibility of seeing myself in a completely different way than what I see when I look in the mirror.

Photography has always been a passion of mine, and boudoir photography has been a particular favourite – the ability to capture moments of beauty and emotion in one photo amazes me. After seeing Foxlow on my TikTok FYP I knew it was the right place for me to book my shoot; the previous shoots with other people with disabilities was important to me as it showed my needs can be accommodated and proved to myself that I can do the photoshoot that I’m not held back by my mobility problems.

But also, the behind-the-scenes videos were important to me as it showed how relaxed and calm the environment is, which as someone with anxiety this was an important element for myself.

I loved preparing for my shoot, got my hair dye refreshed especially for it! I enjoy shopping for lingerie and finding new things that fit my style, it also made a perfect excuse to plan a shopping (and coffee) trip with my best friend. Danielle was there to answer the questions I had about my outfits and was always so helpful.

I was so anxious before my shoot; I was terrified about what the photos would look like, how strange I would look in makeup (I don’t ever wear makeup), but I was also so excited to finally have the photoshoot I’ve been wanting to do for years.

I’ve never been a “girly girl” so having my makeup and hair done is a very strange concept to me, I had no idea what would suit myself, my face shape or my style. It was great to finally have that pampering session of getting hair and makeup done. At first, I didn’t recognise myself at all, it was such a strange moment for myself, but eventually I got used to the look of having makeup on and started to feel confident.

Immediately the atmosphere in the studio was calming and welcoming, a welcoming relief to my anxiety. We started talking about what outfits I had brought with me how they would set the tone of each set of images; it was lovely being a part of the process, I suppose this is also because I work in the creative industry also so being in the moment of a different section of the industry was amazing and an experience I’ll never forget.

Afterwards I felt comfortable and relaxed, and I immediately noticed that I didn’t spend any time during the photoshoot worrying about what my body looked like, something I haven’t been able to do in decades. It felt like a sense of relief and hope because it showed me that one day I can feel like that all the time.

At first, I was amazed when first looking at my photos, I had no idea I could look like that. It was the first time in my life I saw beauty in myself the way other people see it. During the build-up to my shoot I was convinced I wouldn’t like the photos of myself, as it turns out, I liked a lot more photos than I was expecting.

Eventually I’ll be showcasing my favourite photo (as I like to call it, the Goddess Shot) on a metal panel right in the heart of my home, with other smaller prints and canvases around my house too - probably where there is a mirror, to remind myself that I am beautiful.

I also immediately shared my digital photos with my friends because I was so excited to show people how sexy, powerful and beautiful I look in them. I noticed I was feeling more confident in myself after my shoot, I was starting to see myself in a different light.

I was sexually assaulted again just a week after my shoot which sent me back to square one in my self-love journey.

With the support of my best friend and therapist, I’m slowly getting the confidence I gained from the photoshoot back and I’m constantly looking at the photos to remind myself how confident, sexy and most of all how powerful I felt during and after the shoot.

One day I’ll always see how beautiful and sexy I look, it’s a long journey but it’s worth it.