Lucy rediscovered her inner confidence at last
After a lifetime of struggling to accept herself and years in an emotionally abusive marriage, Lucy’s body image and self esteem had reached an all time low in 2020. Yet there was hope. Her new partner helped in her new mission to rediscover herself and finally her boudoir experience with us allowed her to see herself differently and celebrate how far she’s come. Now we can all finally say “She’s back. The old Lucy is back!”.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t have body image issues. Even as a child I would beat myself up every time I ate something and vow to eat less the next day. That cycle spiralled and it just got worse and worse through my teens and twenties. Ironically, I just got bigger throughout that period too, and because of binging and then abstinence due to the guilt, I ended up a size 16.
When I hit 40 I was invited to see the nurse at my GP surgery to have an MOT and she told me that I was obese. I also realised in the same week that my 4 year old could out run me, and so I decided something had to change. For the first time in my life, I took to regular exercise, swimming and walking daily, and used an app to monitor what I was eating. Within a year, I lost two stone and slimmed back to a size 12 for the first time in 25 years.
4 weeks before we went in to lockdown, I finally plucked up the courage to end my emotionally abusive marriage and during lockdown, I found love with Julian, a long standing friend of mine. My new partner and I have known each other since the very early days of my relationship with my husband and he always saw me as the confident, outgoing person that I was back then. He was very shocked to find that I had literally had the stuffing knocked out of me. I had no confidence in how I looked, I couldn’t make a decision without lots of support from him and my friends, and I was suffering hugely with anxiety. Julian made it his mission “to get the old Lucy back” and with his love and support, I have come a long way.
My ex husband would always be nagging me to wear sexy undies, even when I was at my lowest, but made me feel it was all about him, it was something I should want to do for him, and I resented it. One night, a year into my relationship with Julian, I decided to surprise him, and he walked in from work to find me draped on the sofa in full on stockings, suspenders etc and his reaction told me everything I needed to know. For the first time ever, I felt sexy in my own skin. Still a tad nervous and shy but I didn’t feel I looked ridiculous and he understood what it meant that I had chosen to wear them, I hadn’t been asked.
We talked that night, and I can’t remember how it came about, but I confessed that I had been following the Vixens for some time after seeing them on Facebook, but always felt it was something for other people, not for me. I showed him the group, we looked at the website and he said he thought it was something I should do. Hearing it from someone else made me think that maybe it was something for me, not just others, and so (fuelled by a few glasses of wine!) I messaged Danielle, who, as fate would have it, responded immediately. And before I knew it, I’d set a date for 6 months away.
Reading all the comments in the Facebook group, seeing Danielle’s regular encouraging posts, Foxlow appealed to me as I could see they are about what I needed – showing you the best version of you and helping your confidence to grow. As soon as I made the booking I was so excited and wished I could do it immediately. As the months passed by, I started shopping for the outfits that I thought I’d like to wear, but the indecisive me raised her head and I really struggled to find anything, on two occasions telling Danielle that I was going to have to cancel. She talked me round and I’m so glad she did!
Just a couple of weeks before my shoot, I was still struggling to find things that fit or that I thought would work, and a chance comment from Julian made me realise I’d slipped back in to old ways and was actually shopping for outfits that I thought he would like. He pointed out that the whole thing was for me, to ignore what he would like, and honestly, it was such an obvious comment but it was liberating. Within a couple of days I had the final few outfits sorted, and from the moment I realised I had my collection, I was just so excited! I literally woke up every morning counting down the sleeps until the day arrived!
I get nervous generally about going to new places and they were the only real nerves I had from that moment on, so I messaged Danielle and asked her some pretty mundane questions - Did the parking machine in the car park take cards? (It does!) - Can I bring snacks? (You can!) - and set off full of beans on the day of the shoot.
Jon greeted me at the door of the beautiful building the studio is in and carried my bags (two sports bags!) up the stairs for me. Honestly, as soon as you stand outside the building you know you are in for a treat. I chatted with Danielle and Charlotte whilst enjoying a glass of prosecco and then Charlotte took over to do my make up and hair. I have never had my make up done in my life and I wish Charlotte could pop round to my house every morning! It felt so decadent to be pampered, and she is so chatty, she put me right at ease.
We agreed to go for a natural look, her mission being to make me look like the best version of me, and not so wildly different that I didn’t recognise me in the photos. There were no sneak previews whilst she was working, and when she passed me the mirror to have a look when she was finished, that’s when the first emotions really kicked in. I could not believe what she had achieved, there was such a sparkly person looking back at me! It took my breath away and I had to hold back the tears so I didn’t ruin her hard work.
And then it was through to the studio where I sat with Jon and he talked me through what was going to happen. I got the shakes at that point, but he soon put me at ease, and he and Danielle make it look a doddle for you! They are so professional but so warm, I never once felt awkward. In fact, it was only half way through that it dawned on me that I hadn’t batted an eyelid at wandering around in my undies in front of two strangers when normally I can’t even bear to look at myself naked in a mirror!! Testament to how relaxed they help you to feel.
They were encouraging the whole way through and I just did not feel ridiculous getting into positions when I really expected to. Danielle had helped me to pick out the best outfits from my collection, she selected my jewellery that complimented each one, suggested which of my props would go with which outfit, and even encouraged me to incorporate a robe that I chucked in at the last minute in case I wanted to cover myself up between shots. They really do guide you around the studio and the shots with Danielle making it all look easy by demonstrating everything. I loved every second of the shoot, of the day really, and I would say to anyone doing one, enjoy every minute as it goes so quick.
I was very lucky to be able to return that same evening with my partner to view the pictures. I was floating on a cloud all day after the shoot and couldn’t wait to see them. I was staggered when Jon loaded them to the screen. Looking back at us was an incredibly confident woman, shining with happiness. Both Julian and I shed a tear. I’d realised that the whole way through, I’d been worrying that I would be the one to let the process down, not having a good enough body, not picking the right outfits, not pulling off the poses, not having the right smile. And those pictures showed me how wrong I’d been.
I could never have dreamed that those pictures would even be half as good as they came out. I am delighted. Julian and I looked at each other and I said to him “She’s back. The old Lucy is back”. I did that, I rebuilt myself with his help, but my goodness, Danielle, Jon & Charlotte made us see it.
The photos are currently on order, and I cannot wait to show everyone, and I mean everyone! There isn’t a single shot that I’m embarrassed by or nervous of people seeing. I’m so excited to receive my handbag sized book to carry with me everywhere! And my feature album will be out at home for people to see. I just need to decide where the prints I’ve ordered will go - a couple are lounge friendly, one may be for my bedroom! And I am seriously contemplating ordering another one as a present for that special someone…
