Iona celebrated their feminine side

Iona was worried they would lose sight of their femininity whilst exploring their masculine side and wanted to celebrate that part of their gender-fluid identity. They fought through their insecurities to finally love themselves as they are, and we are so excited to see this new chapter in their life.

When I discovered I was gender-fluid earlier this year, I worried I would lose connection to the feminine side of myself as I began to discover my masculine parts; especially as I gave up the feminine pronouns of ‘she/her’ for ’they/them’ which I feel ultimately to be more truthful. I also decided I would cut off my hair, which I have been growing for over 4 years, into a more androgynous cut to help my dysphoria and to donate the hair to the Little Princess Trust.

My body-image has fluctuated so much in recent months due to dysphoria and a struggle to lose weight for my health with no progress. I am the heaviest I have ever been and I knew I needed to give myself tangible evidence of my beauty and strength, no matter what size I was.

I, like many others, found Foxlow Photography on TikTok. I thrilled at the diversity and inclusion of the shoots and the incredible women who had the confidence to share their experiences. After watching so many videos, the decision to give myself this opportunity was simply logical. With the decision to do a photoshoot made, the knowledge of my self-imposed countdown to my haircut pushed me to organise a boudoir shoot in August so I could give my long hair a final show-off before it went to help another person. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

It took me a long time to decide on my outfits, and Danielle was a huge help. I knew I wanted a variety so focused on different styles and tried to go for a range of colours. We had a Zoom meeting and looked over what I already had and discussed websites I may enjoy browsing. My problem has been trying to find sets where I liked the underwear - I am a full-brief wearer as I have a large lower-belly pouch. I don’t mind it but dislike the feeling that I’m ‘spilling out’ of my underwear.

I managed to discover that full briefs can still be very sexy! There is no need to compromise when choosing your lingerie because comfort is the first step to confidence. If you are wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable in your own skin, it’s so much easier to love that skin. I wore a simple pair of black briefs for two of my looks! An easy way to make basic briefs sexy is to layer or to match two other pieces of an outfit. For the first outfit, I wore a matching bra and garter belt from Ann Summers so the plain black underwear was not the focus. In the other, I wore a corset which drew the attention to the waist. Beautiful lace on the back can also make you look stunningly sexy while still feeling covered.

While this discovery was great, it was not all easy and my preparing stage was not quite the relaxing experience I had exactly hoped for. One outfit still had not arrived the day of the shoot (it was, however, waiting for me in the porch when I got home) and I had nasty bug-bites on my legs from a recent trip. I was beginning to doubt if this was the best time to do the shoot with my body and esteem not in the best state.

However, Danielle was there to help me. She advised me on shops that might have other outfits I would like and gave me so much reassurance about their ability to edit out the little blemishes I was so worried about. Ultimately, I had managed to purchase a beautiful back-up lingerie set in cranberry from SimplyBe, treated myself to my first ever manicure and pedicure, got a beautiful set of nail extensions, and (after a deep breath) walked to the studio with my head held high.

I needn’t have worried for a second. At my 10am appointment, I was treated to a cup of tea to calm any remaining nerves (followed by a glass of Prosecco during the shoot) and went through my outfit plans with Danielle and Jon as well as the accessories I brought. Every item was praised and I could already see the cogs whirring as Danielle helped me decide which items best matched which lingerie.

I have always had a passion for books and I couldn’t help but bring three of my favourites - ‘The Red Tent’ by Anita Diamant (an incredible feminist historical tale), ‘100 Nasty Women of History’ by Hannah Jewell (a rude feminist-comedy I 100% recommend) and ‘The Hand on the Shakespearean Stage’ by Farah Karim-Cooper (the book that inspired my MA dissertation in Shakespeare and Creativity, which I received a distinction for). I also couldn’t resist asking for a shot of me with my books and the pencil I love to scribble in them with.

In addition to the books, I brought a selection of jewellery including pieces inherited and gifted by my family, in particular a necklace and earring set I bought with money from my Grandad after he passed away. I also brought two beautiful robes, a well-seasoned corset and a couple of more spicy implements. Truly anything can be a great prop if you have an emotional connection to it, as I had the pleasure of experiencing myself

While Jon and Danielle took my things through and did some plotting and planning, the amazing Charlotte styled my hair and makeup. It was so nice to relax and be pampered while chatting with such a talented beauty artist. I went in knowing I wanted red lips to match my new nails and my usual day-to-day vintage fashion tastes, and a hairstyle to show off the length, but left all other decisions in her hands. I couldn’t have been more thrilled with the results.

Danielle and Jon know what they’re doing. Not only in taking incredible shots of poses, but in making you feel at ease and saturated in confidence. All the little compliments saying ‘Your hair looks incredible!’, ‘Just like that is perfect’, ‘You’re amazing! Hold it just another second’, ‘You know just how to give that perfect little smile’, ‘You always move your hands so elegantly. I don’t need to direct you at all!’ - It all lifts you into this glowing sense of joy and pride in yourself. You feel seen and cared for. Even pampered and posed you still feel completely and truthfully yourself.

‘You on your best day’ truly is the philosophy of Foxlow Photography.

While the photos may convey elegance, wistfulness and a heady sense of sensuality; the studio was full of laughs during my shoot. We laughed at the funny practicalities of the poses that look so incredible (balancing on your head and neck is certainly an odd feeling). We giggled at my wobbling in heels (I’m unable to wear them for extended periods so I borrowed a pair!) and it was such a comfortable space. Any moment you feel embarrassment crawl up, it’s quickly gone with a joke or a kind word. Not only do you receive beautiful photos at the end, but the shoot itself is so much fun!

Both Danielle and Jon also seriously take on board all ideas you bring with you when planning the photoshoot. As well as the shot with my books, I knew I wanted a shot featuring my semi-colon tattoo on my wrist as it’s hugely important to me. Not only did Jon and Danielle take the time to listen and take these photos for me, they turned out being two of my favourite out of the whole set; so much so that I chose the photo featuring my tattoo as one of the two photos for my bedside folio.

To say seeing the photos for the first time took my breath away is to in no way do justice to the mind-shifting experience I went through. To be shown a slideshow of all the photos taken during the shoot to the backing track of ‘This is Me’ from The Greatest Showman; the power of seeing myself depicted so elegantly, so sexily, so truthfully. I had tears forming after only the third image out of sixty! Evidently this is not uncommon, telling from a very strategic placement of the box of tissues.

Jon was incredible in helping me whittle down the photos to 30 of the very best; his patience always matching my indecision until I had the final set. Choosing the cover for the album, box and folio, as well as the prints and a photo for a beautiful wooden block, were extra delights I had not known to expect!

In two days, these incredible people have helped push through years of self-esteem decline at the steady increase of my weight. When I look at these images I recognise myself - and I love what I see. I cannot thank Danielle, Jon and Charlotte enough for showing me this side of who I am.

I have many sides, some of which I cannot wait to explore now I am finally accepting the masculine side to me and saying goodbye to my long hair, but having these photos will always remind me of my divine femininity. It is a beautiful experience and memory as I close this chapter of my life and go on to start a new one.