As a busy mum, wife and business-owner, Zoe had lost sight of her own identity. Her lovely husband gave her the push she needed to face her fears and insecurities when he treated her to a Boudoir Photoshoot to celebrate her 50th Birthday. The experience empowered her to re-emerge as the sexy, curvy, confident woman she always was inside.

I have never had much confidence in myself or my body, and with my 50th Birthday approaching faster than I'd like, the tiny bit of confidence I did have seemed to be slipping further from my reach. Approaching 50 seems to be a pivotal point in my life personally, friends have struggled with 30 or 40 while I was OK - but 50 has hit different. To me it just seems so... OLD!

I was not blessed with the skinny gene and have tried all manner of diets over the years to try and get a body closer to the one in my dreams. With pregnancy, ongoing back issues that have required several ops, a hysterectomy and age, my body has changed shape many times - but not in the direction I desired. My last back op (a spinal fusion) has left me with permanent chronic lower back pain making it harder for me to use exercise to try and change my shape. It felt that the body I always hoped for would always evade me.

During lockdown, along with many others, I downloaded TikTok to pass the time and it made me giggle. My TikTok fascination never stopped and whenever I get time to relax and wind down, I enjoy watching it. One afternoon I stumbled across Foxlow which led me to diving into a boudoir wormhole - a quick 10 minute browse turned into an hour long investigation!!

Reading people’s comments on their incredible posts, I discovered their Facebook group which I eagerly requested to join. I was intrigued and in complete awe of the Vixens and their posts. How did they have such confidence to do this? And why couldn’t I be like that???

I avidly followed Foxlow’s posts and continued to read the comments. Women of all shapes, size and ages were totally rocking their shoots. In a moment of braveness, for me, I shared a video with my hubby and told him that I wished I could do this. He nodded and agreed it looked good, but that was the end of the conversation... until a few months later on my birthday when Karl presented me with a Foxlow Boudoir Shoot Voucher!!!!

I was flabbergasted to say the least, but so impressed that he had remembered our brief conversation months prior and sorted all this out! Then the realisation hit me that I was going to do this... I can honestly say I’ve never been so terrified in my life. I received a welcome pack with amazing advice and guidance regarding how to best prepare for my shoot and Danielle made contact via message with me to explain the process. We were even advised about suitable local accommodation which was perfect.

Danielle checked in with me leading up to the booking and was happy to answer any queries that I had and offered great advice regarding underwear selections and where to buy etc. Even my last minute mini-melt-down panic message was met with calming words of encouragement, which put my mind at ease that how I was feeling was not uncommon. 

If I’m honest I tried to push the shoot date out of my mind as it was getting closer, my nerves almost got the better of me and I wondered if I would have the courage to even go through with it. Buying new underwear for the shoot was super fun, I never knew how many options there were and after reading the info that Foxlow sent and watching their posts it all helped me make decisions on outfit choices.

We drove up on the morning of my shoot, found our Airbnb, and made our way to the pub - I needed some Dutch courage. When it was time to go into the studio, Karl left me at the door and I was so anxious that I honestly could have run away. I didn't - I pulled up my big girl pants and rang the doorbell, my heart nearly beating out of my chest and my face so red and flustered!

I was greeted by Danielle's friendly face before Jon and Charlotte joined us too. It was completely surreal being in the studio that was so familiar to me from all the TikTok's I'd watched. After a quick discussion with Danielle, I left my outfits with her and Jon while Charlotte whisked me off to do hair and makeup.

Charlotte’s super calm and friendly manner soon helped me to peel myself off the ceiling and calm down. We had discussed what I would like in terms of hair and makeup before she worked her magic. I was surrounded by beautiful images and prints of previous Vixens’ shoots and it was hard to believe soon it would be my turn. When Charlotte had finished, she handed me the mirror and said nothing is permanent and if there was anything I didn't like we could change it. There was no need - she did an amazing job and I loved my natural look, the curled hair was just perfect.

I was then led back to the studio where I had a chat with Jon who explained the photography process and gave me examples of what he would be asking me to do. Danielle then showed me the 4 outfits that they had picked, they were hung up in the changing room with my shoes etc. Danielle said I should pop the first outfit on and come out when I was ready.

In the changing room there was a little sign that read "Welcome Zoe, today is all about you." This was such a nice touch and it gave me a little more confidence and eased the nerves too. It was terrifying getting changed and realising that I had to now pull back that curtain and go into the studio where Danielle and Jon were waiting.  I took a deep breath and concluded that it was now or never... then out I went.

Danielle coached me through every pose step by step, and Jon guided me to adjust poses slightly or look in a different direction. They work so well together, their enthusiasm and manner just make you feel so relaxed. They both offered words of encouragement and praise as we continued, making me feel like I was doing it right and that the pictures would be good. I definitely started to relax, and to my surprise I was enjoying myself.

Standing in a room with people I don't really know in my underwear whilst having a normal conversation sounds crazy, but it just felt normal and relaxed. It was so far out of my comfort zone. I won’t even walk around my own home in my underwear, but the atmosphere and professionalism of the team just made me feel at ease - they were incredible.

Danielle asked me partway through the shoot if I would mind doing a TikTok! OMG I was ecstatic... inwardly... I was sooooo chuffed to be asked I couldn’t believe my luck!!! We worked our way through my outfits and the different areas of the studio. Poses that I had seen other Vixens doing, I was now doing myself and it was so amazing. I was literally so sad when they said we were finished, I was enjoying myself so much that I just didn't want it to end.

Danielle explained about the process for the next day and how I would come in for my viewing, then I made my way back to the pub to meet Karl. I felt like I floated down to the pub, like I was walking on air. Such an incredible feeling - so much so that I wish I could bottle the feeling and open the bottle when I need a little boost. Inhale that feeling to relive it over and over again. Karl said I walked into the pub like a different person, he said confidence was oozing out of me and I did not shut up all evening, explaining every single detail to him!!

If I thought I was nervous going to the shoot, that was nothing compared to the gut wrenching nerves I felt going back the next day with Karl for the viewing. What if I looked awful in the pics or I didn't like any of them? What if Karl hated them? It was incredibly scary, I have to admit.

Jon welcomed us into the room where I’d had my hair and makeup done the day before, and we began with a slideshow of all my pictures. The music started and the first few images came up... I was not prepared for the emotions I felt seeing my pictures. I could feel it building up inside me but I didn't want to be dramatic, so I quietly wiped a tear (or two) away as I looked at the incredible pictures Jon had taken. I could not believe that it was me on the screen, it was the most surreal thing I’ve ever experienced. Karl was emotional too and that was such a great feeling, to know that he loved my pictures as much as I did.

Danielle asked me before my shoot, how did I want my shoot to make me feel, and I knew my answer instantly... sexy. Seeing my pictures I most certainly felt that. My perception of myself pre-shoot was a chubby, old, unfit 50 year old... looking at the pictures Jon had taken I felt like a sexy, curvy, confident woman. It was truly empowering, beyond what I’d hoped for when I first saw Foxlow's TikTok and wishing I had the confidence to do it. 

I felt like I’d lost myself somewhat over the years and certainly lost my own identity. Being a mum, a wife and a business-owner “Zoe” got lost - but my whole boudoir experience has helped me gain my identity back as a woman.  I feel that Zoe has re-emerged, and the new version is wiser and more confident in herself and her abilities. This experience has made me realise that I need to stop fixating on what I’m not, and learn to love the skin that I’m in. 

Our aluminium wall panel arrived super quickly, it now takes pride of place in out room and I LOVE IT. My folio and bookbound album arrived some weeks later and I am so happy with them both. I wanted the album as a constant reminder to myself that I can do things that are very much out of my comfort zone. It’s a permanent personal prompt that I intend to use when I’m feeling a little insecure about myself, to show that I can be a sexy confident woman.

My experience has taught me to cut myself some slack and be kinder to myself. I have not stopped talking about my shoot to anyone that will listen and I just love sharing my photos. It gives me such a boost when people tell me how much they love them, and I am loving being on TikTok and seeing my pictures on Foxlow’s Facebook or Instagram. It’s almost like a continuation of my shoot, helping to keep my confidence and self esteem up.

I cannot put into words the gratitude that I feel to Danielle, Jon and Charlotte for what they have done for me. I would recommend this experience to anyone, it is incredible and I want to do it all over again!!